Going back with your ex, a good idea?

Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck have fallen in love again. After igniting social media in the summer when they exchanged a kiss, the couple got engaged for the second time in early April. Is it a good idea to get back together with your ex years after ending a relationship? Specialists answer us.

Posted May 16

Olivia Levy

Olivia Levy
The Press

Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez if they met in 2002 on the set of gigli. The couple, quickly become the emblem, is nicknamed Bennifer. Less in love getting married in 2003, more so separated in 2004… then reuniting in the summer of 2021. The years have passed. Ben Affleck has three children, Jennifer Lopez two, and together they form a blended family. Beyond the Hollywood side of the couple, is it a good idea to get back together with your ex… 17 years later?

“It depends on a lot of things,” says psychologist François St Père, who specializes in couple therapy. “It all depends on how the separation went, because sometimes it can be blessed, even traumatic, and for a long time. It also depends on how the partners have evolved on their own. Over time, we can become more compatible on certain subjects that were conflicting such as the education of children, questions of money and division of tasks. »

pay the coach marriage Valérie Sentenne, you have to ask yourself if you are going to live a new relationship with the same person or if you are going to find the same problems. “Am I aware of the reasons that led to the breakup? Have I learned over the years? Have I worked on myself to experience something new? »


Valerie Sentenne, coach marital

You must be aware of version 1.0 of the relationship to switch to version 2.0 which will be more interesting and improved!

Valerie Sentenne, coach marital

A new version of a relationship can also correspond to another stage of his life. “We got older, in the children grew up or perhaps left the nest, in the carriers take less time, we have fewer responsibilities. There is a rediscovered freedom,” he says. coach marital

François St Père, the situation that most often encounters François St Père, these are couples with children who have separated, who have lived in blended families, and who have faced many difficulties… perhaps more than they hadn’t imagined it. “Some people tell themselves that in the end, their ex wasn’t perfect, but life was simpler! A few years later, they find a romantic feeling for each other. »

The psychologist also evokes the fascinating world of singles and dating applications which can be very hard. “After a separation, we become single, we meet (or not), we are in the seduction market, we expose ourselves to rejection, and often it hurts. Over the years, we become more understanding, less rigid in relation to certain things. Time allows us to forget the tensions and makes us realize how important our ex is in our life, ”he observes.

More why come back with your ex after so many years? “You have to assess the reasons. Does he really represent what I want as a life partner? Do we have a good bond? Or is it the fear of being alone? asks Valérie Sentenne.

He believes there is a difference between getting back together with his ex a few months after the relationship ended or five, ten or seventeen years later, as is the case with 52-year-old Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck, Game 49 years old. “We find the emotions linked to the memories we have with this person, which also means finding a part of ourselves, because it takes us back to when we were 25 or 30 years old”, underlines the coach marital


Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck at a special screening of the film Casa Comigo in Los Angeles, February 8, 2022

A love for life

The fascination for the couple formed by Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck is explained: many people believe that there would be a love for life, a love stronger than anything, a bit like that of fairy tales. “They loved each other, separated, had children with other spouses, lived and experienced all sorts of things”, analyzes François St Père. And they came back together, because they found no one comparable to their love! True and great love that transcends everything. That’s why it fascinates us so much! »


François St Père, psychologist specializing in couple therapy

Valérie Sentenne shares this opinion. “There is this utopia that there is THE right person for us! And when we see Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck, we let ourselves be carried away by this idea of ​​an all-powerful love. There is confirmation that a soul mate exists… It’s a fantasy, hence the fascination. »

No more coming back to earth. The couple needs constant work. “If it’s simple, there wouldn’t be such a high separation rate!” It’s not easy to be happy as a couple, it takes effort, ”recalls Valérie Sentenne. In a society where couples do not last, this couple retiring 17 years later gives hope. “There is something reassuring. The fact of being able to count on a person who is dear to us and who loves us so much, it’s beautiful… It still has to last…”, concludes François St Père.

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